He loved her even though she was fat

When I was a teenager I had a friend. She was about 5 foot 11 and quite overweight. She had gorgeous thick brown hair and sparkly brown eyes. She was kind and gregarious. And I liked her a lot.

One winter she invited me to her cottage. We drove ourselves there because we must have been 17 or 18, maybe 16. It was sweet first independence from parents and the emotional manipulation of my home. Her cottage was nestled next to a lake. It was the dead of winter in Canada, pure pure white glistening snow. Deathly quiet. And cold.

I remember when we got there on a Friday afternoon, it was already getting dark but the fire was lit and the place was warm and inviting. When we walked in, my friend introduced me to her father, who got up walked to us at the door and gave her a warm hug. He seemed very happy to see her and his eyes twinkled.

I remember being shocked. But this was an abomination! How could this man love her!!! She had committed the same sin I had - being fat. I was incredulous. She was not only fat but also very tall. Another sin. Unsightly for a girl.

I continued to be amazed throughout the entire weekend and even through my later teenage years. Her father seemed to genuinely be interested in her life, thoughts and feelings and wanted to spend time with us but also gave us space. He seemed to accept her and encourage her. He loved her even though she was fat.

I had never seen such a thing in my life.

The Dark Queen

Tonight I was the dark queen with a little bit of the queen of hearts thrown in. As her, I wanted to control everyone and everything. All she wanted was to make everyone love her. All she wanted was sincere remorse for the pain that was caused to her. But sincere remorse is like sincere love. You cannot fabricate either one. And if you have wisdom you will see that you can no more make someone regret their wrongs than you can make them love you. It is something that can only come from one's own free will.

Speaking of free will, we all have a right to it. No one was born without it. So to take it away by trying to control them really is ripping out their heart. It really is a form of dark magic. The dark queen has to control because she doesn't believe in her own goodness. She doesn't believe in her own capacity to be worthy of love and so she must take instead of receive. But you cannot take love just as you cannot take mercy. No, love and mercy are the gifts grace bestows upon us and we may only receive.

The dark queen is an aspect of the shadow feminine within all of us. Some other aspects of the shadow feminine are the void of unexpressed love or the void turned vacuum instead of sacred creative space and the warrior who protects the little girl's heart, hardened and impenetrable.

Which aspects of the shadow feminine have you noticed in your life?

Octopus Story

She is so beautiful, stealthily gliding through the water. She is intelligent, intuitive and inventive. Octopus brings back the lost children from the depths of the ocean. She can bring many up at a time with her many long, strong and hug-able arms. She feels smooth and soft to the touch and she smells like seaweed. She is very tender and her gentle caresses and soft touches with the tips of her arms calm the lost children as she carries them home. Her arms can reach all parts of the world at the same time. She can also go into imaginary worlds
and bring children who get lost there too.