Some women have made poor choices
regarding men in the past and are afraid of making the wrong decision…again.
This is why I teach the part about how to tell if a man is emotionally healthy, and available. Once you determine that he is emotionally healthy and
available then you can date him to find out if the two of you have communication,
chemistry and compatibility or the three Cs (as Pat Allen and Flechelle Morin refer to them).
An Available Man
Available means that he is not in any other relationship except the one with himself. :) It means that he is over his X. It means that he is ready
and desiring a deep friendship with a woman. It means that he is ready and willing
to invest time and resources in getting to know you. It means he is ready and
willing to have uncomfortable conversations as they undoubtedly will come up at
some point down the road, see below :). He may not be interested in a long term relationship
but most men are. He will likely not call after 8 pm. He will ask you when you
are available and make himself available too. He will be comfortable with weekend
dates.
1. Catch His Eye and Smile
If you see a cute guy you’d like to meet, instead of approaching him and introducing yourself, catch his eye and smile.
If you see a cute guy you’d like to meet, instead of approaching him and introducing yourself, catch his eye and smile.
If he doesn’t react or doesn’t approach you, chances are he’s not available or interested. If this is the case, move on. Find another cute guy and keep smiling.
2. Wait for Him to Approach
2. Wait for Him to Approach
After you’ve smiled, IF he’s interested and available he will most likely approach you. Wait for him to come to you.
(This can often be a nerve-racking experience because you can feel like a slut. It can feel like you’re inviting him to molest you on the spot. Don’t worry. He’s going through his own meltdown as he’s crossing the room.)
from http://cherrynorris.com/how-do-you-know-if-hes-available/
An Emotionally Healthy Man
He will not expect you to do
anything you don’t want to do. He will ask you what you want to do when he
calls so be nice enough to tell him. Have some ideas of dates you would like to
go on such as walking by the bay or going to a special restaurant. He will call
when he says he will call. He will be on time. He will most likely offer to
pay. He will ask you respectful questions and likely talk about himself. He
will keep his promises. He will show empathy, which is the capacity to understand what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, ie, the capacity to place oneself in another's shoes.
He is honest and will share his thoughts and feelings. He is ready for you. He wants to fully support you, be all that he can be because he knows you’ve got it goin’ on! He is comfortable with who he is in the sense that he doesn’t need or try to control you, your behavior, or your life. He is invested in his and your emotional & spiritual well-being, and he can define to you what he loves about you (even if he’s a man of few words).
He is honest and will share his thoughts and feelings. He is ready for you. He wants to fully support you, be all that he can be because he knows you’ve got it goin’ on! He is comfortable with who he is in the sense that he doesn’t need or try to control you, your behavior, or your life. He is invested in his and your emotional & spiritual well-being, and he can define to you what he loves about you (even if he’s a man of few words).
He may not have it all together (do any of us?) but he is okay expressing his feelings and needs to you. He can accurately assess when he has hurt you, and he jumps to make it right because he genuinely cares for you. He does not have a need to lie to you, and he will assertively ask for the same respect in return.
Okay, so since we’ve established the difference between an emotionally healthy and unhealthy man, let’s move forward (and this is by no means an exhaustive list of healthy/unhealthy qualities above – it was just a few) from (http://tamishaford.com/2013/05/15-reasons-why-emotionally-healthy-men-love-assertive-women/). He will most likely be most if not all of these:
Finally, a word about SEX:
When I tell women this, it blows
their mind. I had a client who had gone through cervical cancer. When you have
cervical cancer your vagina shrinks. One of the things that kept her back from
dating was her fear that men would want sex right away. Due to her past of
sexual abuse, she had a deeply ingrained belief that if she had a boyfriend, sex would be one of the things that would be required of her as a woman. And she felt very unsure of her sexuality due to her previous illness.
The thing is that healthy,
available men who seek a mate won’t require sex. I don't mean require as in want or need. I mean require as in specify as compulsory. In fact, they will
do their best to figure out what you require from them in the relationship in
order to be comfortable with them and anything else the two of you do. In other
words they will genuinely want to know what makes you WANT to spend time with
them and yes also to have sex. Sex is something that is yours to give and share
with a man you choose and desire when and only when you are comfortable doing
so. Any healthy, caring man knows that anything less than that is coercion and
will not participate in it. Unless there is some sort of misunderstanding or a
mix-up of signals, a healthy available man will not ask for sex until he thinks
you have given the green light.
What we found out together is
that a man who loves and cherishes a woman will be less likely to ask for sex.
Even to the point where you might start to wonder if he really digs you and
finds you attractive. There are several reasons for this. First a man who likes
you and is “charmed and enchanted,” as Alison Armstrong puts it, will never ever I said ever want to put you
in a situation where you are uncomfortable. In fact, he will want to save you
from uncomfortable situations. It would be crushing to a man to know that he
was the cause of discomfort to a woman he loves. So if he thinks you are
uncomfortable about sex or you have not very clearly repeat very clearly given
the green light on the subject, he is more likely not to broach it than to
broach it.
The second reason is that when a man is charmed and enchanted by you which means he cares deeply about you he will be very vulnerable to rejection. He won’t want to initiate sex, again, because getting rejected by the woman he cares about would be crushing. For these and some other reasons a way to know if a guy is into you by how he approaches the subject of sex. Most men won’t outright lie to you to get sex. I would say 9 out of 10 men would not have sex with you if you make it clear that sex comes with commitment and they are unwilling to give commitment yet or ever. That is why I recommend always putting out those boundaries within the first three dates. That will weed out the men that are not available or emotionally healthy. Then we find out if we share the 3 Cs. But that is the next post.
Happy dating!
The second reason is that when a man is charmed and enchanted by you which means he cares deeply about you he will be very vulnerable to rejection. He won’t want to initiate sex, again, because getting rejected by the woman he cares about would be crushing. For these and some other reasons a way to know if a guy is into you by how he approaches the subject of sex. Most men won’t outright lie to you to get sex. I would say 9 out of 10 men would not have sex with you if you make it clear that sex comes with commitment and they are unwilling to give commitment yet or ever. That is why I recommend always putting out those boundaries within the first three dates. That will weed out the men that are not available or emotionally healthy. Then we find out if we share the 3 Cs. But that is the next post.
Happy dating!
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