More Mojo - Mother Bear and Good Wife

Today I went to acupuncture and after my acupuncturist put in the needles I lay there taking another journey. My guides are funny and witty and entertaining. My inner life is more fun than my outer life. I hope soon they will even out.

They told me that I was an amazing wife, the right one for my husband, despite how badly I may feel about the anxiety and OCD issues I bring to the table. I handle them, take responsability for them, and do not put them on him and that's really all I can ask of myself. Not only did I give him a daughter, but I also stood by him, believing in him, trusting him, encouraging him and loving him into his own business and paying the bills while he got going. I let him, I allowed him and I believed in him. Now HE provides, our dream! For that, they surrounded me and gave me a standing ovation, calling other angels to join them. I couldn't believe it. It's like the standing ovation I got when I tried Cymbalta. As they clapped I stood there in disbelief, trying to receive it all and then I laughed at their giddiness. You set out to do this, they said, and you did it, you are doing it.

Before that, my acupuncturist was asking me to go into my body and see what was happening. I saw that my body didn't trust me,that  I pushed her too hard and expected too much from her, that I had hurt her terribly. To my body, I was as my mother is to me, perfectionist, breaking boundaries. But my body wanted me and loved me and needed me. So I exchanged my face for my mother's face inside myself and declared that anything she needed she would have to look to me for it. She jumped up in exhilaration and joy. I confessed that I had no idea how to be a mother but that I would engage with the process as deeply as I could and fail but try again. That's when my guides stepped in and said not to worry, they would download some serious mothering skills down. And they did. like Mama Bear skills. Like have no fear Momma is here and she's gonna make it right. and suddenly I felt confident that I could step in and be that mother figure to myself and to Alessandra. After all, now I got the skiiils and not just that but some great examples of great mothering; some close friends and even my husband.

I felt so grateful for this and as a friend said so grateful to have been chosen to be the one to break the curse of over-arousal, anxiety, suffering and stuckness in tragedy. All these ways of being are not only learned but also neurochemically wired into our brains.  As we were celebrating this work with my guides and also celebrating my decision to take medication - I had asked for confirmation and got it - I snuck in that I wanted them to take the neck pain away but they said that would not be in my highest good. AI AI AI!

Finally they sat there, in a circle, after the standing ovation, just admiring my beauty. We wish you could see what we see, they said. And they showed me: a beautiful, kind, strong, compassionate soul, so so so committed to love in the world, so so so beautiful, soft and feminine, gently but strong, colors of turquoise and green and blue swirling through. Thank you God for the unfolding. Thank you got showing me my soul.