The Ivy leaves and the Curse

Last night I drove by a house covered in Ivy in South Park and I thought to myself, if stay in San Diego, this house is where I wish to live!

I remembered the place that was covered by Ivy in Bulgaria. It was called Vranilovtsi and it was some land we have with cherry and apple trees.

As children, my grandmother would take us there and pick cherries and apples and currants for us. Sometimes we would stay under the tree and she would throw branches laden with fresh ripe red sweet cherries. It was delicious.

One day we stayed in the shade of the small country house. It was covered in ivy. We were not allowed to go inside because in the living room was a pile of dirt and in the middle of that huge pile of dirt (not sure how it got there) was a black umbrella, unopened, stuck with its point down.

My grandmother said never to go in the house because it was a curse. This always surprised and frightened me and filled me with a deep curiosity I could not satiate.

My grandmother said that a lady named Maria had put a curse on our home. It was because this lady helped take care of the land for a while and she thought in return, my grandmother would gift her the land. But when my mother didn't gift her the land, she got angry. And so her curse was placed. Soon after that, my grandmother says, is when my grandfather (paternal) got sick.

I grew up mostly seeing my grandfather in a bed in the kitchen. He rarely got up except to pee. He peed in a jar in the kitchenette, where the wood-burning stove was, in my grandmother's small apartment in Gabrovo, Bulgaria.

He would rarely get up to eat and when he came to the table he would huff and puff as if it was the scariest thing. I remember being equally afraid and dismissive of him. On some level his illness scared me but also it was something that I had grown up with so it seemed normal.

I always believed he could snap out of it if he wanted to. One day I lie on his bed with him. He acknowledged me and even moved me to the other side. He smiled. I was surprised and happy.

On another occasion I got angry about the strain he was putting on my grandmother that I told her to lock him outside in the common apartment staircase so that he would have no choice but to walk. He can't lie down there, I said. "Don't be so cruel, " he said to me.

Now, 25 years later, heavy with life, disappointments and experience I can see why my parents had lost their playfulness and I can see how maybe he wasn't ab;e to just snap out of it. I forgive him and I ask that he forgive me.

Grandpa, please forgive me for saying those things. I didn't understand. I also forgive you for being that way. I says, sitting here with open palms. I hope our relationship can be restored to its rightness. Please forgive me. I love you. I forgive you. Thank you.

So on this particular hot summer day, my cousin and I were waiting under the shade by the ivy for grandmother to finish picking cherries, forbidden, to go in the house with the curse.

So I had an idea! Let's help grandma clear all this ivy, I said. She has been so busy picking fruit that she hasn't had a chance to prune the house, I said to my cousin Elena, who was just over a year older than me,

She said Ok and we started picking. We cleared the entire wall and felt very proud of ourselves. I was happy to be able to do something for our Grandmother.

But when Grandma came back, she wasn't happy!!! She was angry that we had taken off the ivy and that the ugly old walls had been exposed and now the house was even more vulnerable to decay.

She blamed Elena for not having more sense because she was older. I was relieved not to be held responsible, when it was my idea, but also I felt horrible that she got blamed. But I didn't say anything. I was 9.